Is There Anyone Else Out There

I apologize for the last couple of posts, they have been slightly depressing. I told myself that I wasn’t going to write today because I didn’t want to put this kind of energy out in the world. But I realized that this a natural part of my life. I live with depression and anxiety. There will be days when I feel completely free and other days when I feel trapped. I have the tendency to bottle things up without properly expressing myself. And it always leads to disaster. One of the things that I learned over the years, is to never make a decision while depressed. My thoughts are clouded and I can’t visualize clearly enough to make an informed[…]

Chapter Three: The Afterthought | A Star Wars Fan Fiction

She looks up at the night sky as the darkness cools the hot planet. The stars shine brightly with bursts of energy, filling her up with desire. Her back against the foot of an old AT-AT that was destroyed from a previous battle. She continues to stare up at the stars, consciously dreaming of another life. An idea that she wishes would come true, but nothing ever happens. She always wakes up in the same belly of the AT-AT, feeling less hopeful as the days go by. She picks herself up but continues to stare up at the night sky. She takes a deep breathe, with a glimmer of hope that she could live a different life. It’s early in[…]

the unsureness of it all...

It’s my summer break. I have lots of time, but yet it feels like its passing by, and I’m having a difficult time grasping the reality that is time. I ponder too much about life that isn’t happening and begin to miss the life that is actually happening. Is this my reality? Is this what I’ve created for myself in this life? In vast emptiness, all the things that I can see, aren’t actually there. It’s part of my imagination. What’s left of it all, is a memory, a memory spent standing still and not doing anything about it. I come to the realization how imperative it is to move. But the question always remains, to where? A second question[…]

It was too late before I came to the realization, that my Focaccia was not prepared properly. The consistency of the dough remained when taking a bite out of the Italian bread. Which by the way, is really fun to make! But definitely not fun to eat. As I followed the recipe and read it over again to check to see where I went wrong, I realized that I missed a crucial step in the success of making bread. Proving. I didn’t let the dough rise, and it failed to rise to the occasion. The smell of the rosemary, completely sold me on this dish. I was willing to take more bites simply for the rosemary, mixed with olives and tomatoes.[…]

Chapter Three: The Afterthought | A Star Wars Fan Fiction

Luke Skywalker, after years of liberation, found himself lost. He decided to run from things that caused great disturbances in the force, including himself. No one knows where he is, and no one dared to ask why. All that is known, is that Luke will never come back. Fear clouds the cities across the galaxy, a fear greater than ever perceived before. In the beginning, people wondered and created their own stories of the mysterious disappearance of Luke Skywalker, but over time, people slowly began to forget. It’s been thirty years now. He stands at the edge, at a precipice, pondering and deep in thought. His eyes closed, trying to quiet the noise that surrounds him. The birds aren’t chirping,[…]

This morning, I woke up feeling excited. I decided to explore my culture further by expanding my knowledge of the food we eat. Italian cuisine mainly consists of pasta like dishes, therefore, it’s the easiest thing for me to make since I know how to do it so well. I wanted to start with something familiar but also stepping outside of my comfort zone when I’m in the kitchen. So I made cheese stuffed shells, which is large pasta shells, filled with a mixture of cheese. It was a pleasant surprise how readily and easily cooking came to me. In the kitchen, it’s supposed to be filled with happy memories shared with family.  However, over time, that has changed. I[…]

I think it quite clear that I’m a Star Wars fan, or at least you know that now. One of my favorite movies is The Empire Strikes Back with Yoda being one of my most favorite characters. All though he’s not in the film for very long, his insight transcends film and is easily integrated into daily life. Assuming that “Do or do not, there is no try” is the most known movie line in the Star Wars universe, I’m glad to name it as my favorite as well. To “do or do not, there is no try”, speaks volumes to me. I spent a majority of my life trying something new but never giving it my all. Maybe that was[…]

I think that true beauty is being able to create stillness in a storm, and slowly approach your path with confidence. The storm, the noise, the loud volumes consume and band together to purposely disrupt your journey. But it’s in the stillness that we can appreciate the storm and also move past it. It’s like holding a mirror to your true reflection, slowly revealing your truth to the world and to yourself. It’s only when the universe can see who you are, that it can grant the desires you wish. Or so I have been told. There’s hope, still. Because I know, as of right now, that I’m on the right path. All I need to do is close my[…]

It’s the searching that makes my life challenging. Just when I think I know exactly where I fit in, in life generally, I become betrayed by doubt. I begin to wonder if the search was worthwhile, and if the journey has led me to a path that I can feel proud of. It’s curious though, isn’t it. Curosity continues to prevail but the satisfaction is preventing further growth. Instead, new directions emerge, changing the map that I worked so hard to build. The connection of discovery and results are disjointed, preventing me from escaping a world that I continue to build. Furthermore, I will wait. My sun will guide me, my core self will shine and I will create.

Perhaps it’s the will to fight and not give up that makes the intensity of joy a more existential experience. Is it the wonderment of a different life that makes the fight more worthwhile, or the actual journey itself. Joy feels like a glow, coming within and reaching outwards. The only question that I can conjure is, how far does my joy reach? Is it an exponential reach, or is it for my own universe that I concocted in my mind. Is that what really matters though? Shouldn’t the experience of joy be more fulfilling than the aftereffect? One thing that I do know for sure, is that it feels immeasurably good. However slight, however time limiting, it genuinely feels good to[…]