I slowly begin to see the wave. At first, it seems so far away, I felt safe. But time is an illusion, an illusion that I can’t seem to understand fully. The wave is now at my neck, and I’ve begun to tread the inescapable water. All of my thoughts slowly fade from the deafening sound of my heart beating. I realize that this is my body’s way of telling me to fight. It’s not long before I lose the fight that’s in me. I will slowly give up and allow the water to suffocate me. I allow it. Emptiness then settles in. It sits beside me and invites itself into my thoughts. It’s now a comfort. Knowing that emptiness[…]

Do you ever begin to wonder when your happiness will end? Is it the loneliness that will cause you pain? Or is it overwhelming and pain becomes a constant, enough for it to cause you to become numb? Sometimes I wonder about the pain that I have endured. And the caused. How much have I created, or the amount that has been brought upon by others? I do know one thing for sure, that it can’t be a good feeling. In fact, I’m well aware that it’s not a good feeling. This is the start of me relearning to become lost. Pain forces me to think in a way that is obscure and abstract. My thought patterns become erratic and nonlinear.[…]

     Sometimes I have days when I’m feeling down. Feeling depressed. Sometimes they last for a day, sometimes weeks, and at the worst, sometimes months. However, I seem to have lost the moments of sadness. I missed those moments because they remind me of a certain time in my life that I enjoyed. Or maybe its about losing someone that I love, and grieving that lost by giving the respect it deserves. Sadness seems to last for so long, that moments no longer seem to exist.      I appreciate sadness, I respect it. It has added a new perspective in life. In my life. In certain ways, I feel grown up and I’m able to change as a person because of it.[…]

     I spend much of my time listening to new songs, skipping through the beginning 30 seconds because I know pretty much instantly that I will love a song. But the questions becomes why do I like this particular song so much, and why do I only listen to the song several times over. It’s something that I have done for as long as I can remember, even when I bought albums as a teenager, I would skip all the songs to the favourite one and just repeat. What makes the song repeatable? What does the brain do during this process? Does it have any connections to our environment? These are questions that I would like answered.      Simply, (but it’s not[…]