I begin school soon, and I genuinely don’t know how to feel about it. I already know that I’m anxious about it, but the question is why? The more I think about it, it might be because of failure. My history with education hasn’t always been the best. Which is what I’ve always strived for, but realizing now that “the best” is different from “my best”.
I would usually quit something before I even gave it a chance, and when I mean something, I mean everything. It has become a negative energy that surrounds and follows me everywhere I go now. I have nothing to show for my hard work because I never had a hard day at work. Maybe at life, but thats partially my own fault. I’m the reason I’m in this state, in my life. I have everything in my tool box to change it, but yet I don’t. Failing is not an option, so why would I begin trying in the first place? Without even realizing that not trying is already failing.
Starting next week, on September 6th of 2016, I will be writing weekly blogs about my experience at school. The reason I’m doing this, is for my own benefit. I need to keep myself accountable for my actions (therefore, I can’t just lay in bed all day). A second reason why I’m doing this, is for anyone out there that struggles with school. Progress is hard to see and understand on a daily basis, even a weekly basis. But as time goes on, I’ll see the process of my thinking grow, and how the progress has affect over large periods of time. Anxiety makes me hate to think about the future, so instead, a week is what I’ll look forward to.
Maybe as time goes on, I’ll write about my past with school, college, and university. My successes (little as they are) and my failures. Although a lot of it is personal, I need to know that someone else out there will benefit from my mistakes and this sinking ship that I call my life. I hope everyone has a wonderful day, trying to make the most of it, even if you don’t feel like it.