Sometimes, even the smallest thing can have an impact on me. My head feels overwhelmingly full and my eyes begin to well up. Tears are breaching the water line and I can feel the wetness swipe across my cheek. I rub my hands against my face to face the reality of my reactions. I look up at a white ceiling and begin to wonder.
Why did I lose focus? Why did I forget me? Why did I forget who I am?
I realize that answer to these questions before I even finished writing them. I’ve been living a lie. I lie to my self because I think I’ll feel better if I do. The real truth, I feel better for a little while. So it begs the question, is it better to live in a lie? Or is it better to seek the truth and discover the ugly? If the harsh reality is the only reality, then I must remember that dreaming is universal.
My stomach is hurting me. It betrays me. My lungs are collapsing. Fighting for air. They are failing. My heart is beating faster. Faster to obliterate sensations. My skin is on fire. A fire that burns feelings. All I have left, is who I am.